THIKA ROAD KIOSKS AND MOMBASA ROAD SKY SCRAPERS

 By Riungu Jnr Ikiugu

“Old Major, the old boar on the Manor Farm, summons the animals on the farm together for a meeting, during which he refers to humans as parasites and teaches the animals a revolutionary song called Beasts of England. When Major dies, two young pigs, Snowball and Napoleon, assume command and consider it a duty to prepare for the Rebellion. The animals revolt and drive the drunken and irresponsible farmer Mr. Jones from the farm, renaming it "Animal Farm". They adopt Seven Commandments of Animalism, the most important of which is, "All animals are equal." 

Sky scrapers of Mombasa road

That is an extract from the book Animal Farm by George Orwell. Animals can never be equal but some aspects of them are equal. If I was the real Snowball and Napoleon, I would have revolted to forming another slogan, “Roads are not equal”. Can roads be equal? Look at Thika road and compare it with Mombasa road? Are they the same? Can Sameer Business Center be compared to Naivas in Thika road? Even the names here sound different….one sounds an up market name the other sounds a down town name…Sameer…Naivas…Sameer…Naivas….

I usually drive everyday along Thika road in my KQY 417 Subaru but not every day is usually a driving day, a time I park my KQY Subaru in my new shanty (after graduating from Huruma shanties early this year) due to the hard economic times. Not that I don't have money, its an habit among Thika road residents....we saving money and will die with the millions in the bank. U-kikuyu itaua sisi. I am however optimistic of now driving daily since the cost of fuel now costs less than 9MB data bundles.

More often, I too drive at least once every week along Mombasa road to purchase cheap chicken feed for my two chicken somewhere in dusty roads of Industrial area where am told cheap is cheap but good.  I know you are laughing that I drive all the way for just two chicken…but remember…..Cheap is not always expensive and am also running to have the cheap stuff so that I can upgrade from my shanty to another better shanty before my 6 year old girl attains a sexable age, yes I mean before sex becomes a priority to her.  Whoever said cheap is expensive must have been high on some Busaa mixed with Kanga, Marwa, and Mugacha to give it a lethal effect. Anyway, why do you care eti…. two chicken, KQY Subaru and a shanty…that’s not your business. I live along Thika road where we have shanties and kiosks but we are millionaires. In fact billionaires also live amidst us as well.  You live along Mombasa road where you have sky scrapers, expensive car wash sheds, and where a single banana retails for 50 shillings but you are worth thousands. You get what I mean? If you don’t get what I mean, keep paying attention as you read. 

Thika Road Shanties

Now that we must all have driven along Thika road and Mombasa road at one time or another, do you figure out any similarities or differences in the topography and terrain of these roads? Dada na sister, brother na kaka, similarities are fewer…indeed they are zero similarities. Where on Thika road earth will you find someone hiring a limo to drive his new born baby and wife from maternity? Driving from Muranga road, then past Ngara, then you cut the Pangani corner, you panda the Utalii ka-mountain, then past the Roysambu shanties and kiosks, then drive past the many carpentry kiosks all the way past Kenol, what do you encounter? Shanties, kiosks, half completed buildings, hawkers in Gunia cloth shades, men with weighing scales to check your weight especially with the threat of the spread of Ebola, car bazaars that are packed with second hand NZE and the likes of my KQY Subaru, petrol stations that will scare a Mombasa road resident fueling his or her Jeep…I mean he or she drives a Jeep but sleeps hungry etc. Now drive along Mombasa road, masionetes, bungalows and high priced apartments, 5 star hotels, state of the art petrol stations, sky scrapers, a banana at 50 shillings, rare to find a car the type of my KQY Subaru……I mean as you drive, you see millions and billionaires lakini wapi? Nyinyi watu wa Mombasa road  hamna pesa….pesa ziko kwa ViosksThika road. I know you wondering 2 chicken and I consider myself a millionaire...how? Keep asking yourself how until the end of this idiotic article.

I mean you may under-rate the looks and kiosks along Thika road but we are funding the economy of Mombasa road. We may not have sky scrapers and the only building close to a sky scraper is TRM, but all the Mombasa Road cash comes from along Thika road and then topped up with cash from Nyamakima and River road. So don’t boast those of sky scrapers, we are giving you loans to put up those scrapers and supplying you with all the liabilities you want. We proud to own the shanties and kiosks. We are proud running the Kenyan economy. Please don’t talk bad about the Thika road shanties and kiosks anymore…we are not ready to improve. You want us to bring down the shanties and become beggars like you victims of Mombasa road? Ka wina ngoma ngiti ino?

So George Orwell, if in heaven or hell, but I guess you roasting in hell, I think the characters in your book were stupid to think that all animals are the same. Sincerely, can the genitals of a woman be the same like that of a man? And don’t tell me that that’s literature. I know literature more than anyone reading this article. Therefore, I dispute your 'commandment' that, "ALL ANIMALS ARE THE SAME" and thus am also coining a similar a similar 'commandment' one, "ALL ROADS ARE NOT THE SAME." In Thika road we have shanties and kiosks and we boast of being millionaires and billionaires while along Mombasa road, you are proud of sky scrapers but you are beggars to Thika road residents. 

Mkitaka you can kill me but I have no apologies to make.Come to Thika road and we will treat you to the delicacy of well prepared Mutura, a Tusker and the beautiful gopis....I mean affordable ladies at just 10,000 shillings per night.