THE NOISY MERU CITY

MERU CITY: THE VERY NOISY TOWN IN KENYA...AAAAGGGRRRHHH!!!!

Pipiiiiiii………….Pipiiiiiiii……………Piiiiiiii……………..that’s the noise that welcome you once you arrive in Meru City. It’s neither the noise of the traditional dancers nor the children playing by the road side. This is the noise of the cars; Marori ja mithanga, Taxis, Bikibiki, Kuora cia maiga, Mikokoteni Ya Miraa……..Nkengere cia Ndegwa cia Munya (that costed us 200 Million……….name them. 

Anyway Meru, as people will call it, is the land of honey and milk. It’s the only town you will visit and have a mountain plateful of mukimo at only 100 Kenyan shillings yet the same half a plate in Nairobi costs approximately 300 Kenyan shillings at an average hotel. It’s in the same town where you will find men and women have become denser over the years as a result of the same food- they can’t think beyond their Nyiuru (nose). Kazi yao ni ya tripple K; Kula, Kulala na Kurandaranda. It’s in the same Meru City where you will find drunkards. I here there are a variety of drinks including EABL drinks, mugacha, marwa kirung’ang’a, viena, uki etc. I am made to understand that the last EABL beer cup was awarded to Meru City in 1988 and the drunkards cup still sits with the drunkards…hehehehehe…..am not laughing but am just getting surprised how a drunkard would be given an award. Or maybe with the so much money that Merians are worth deserves that Gikombe Kia Ncobi!

At least I am now getting to understand why they call it the land of honey and milk. Madame wa Meru! It happens to me that they are the cutest in the country. Please don't refuse my opinion- they are cute. Their beautiful long hair, their well naturally curved hips, their wife material traits……etc. But their naiveness, I don’t like it. Hasira nazo! Anyway, their temper is also calculated to the conclusion of saying Meru is a land of honey and milk. They will say,  ‘Nkagutema’ and in the next second, blood is oozing from your body parts as a result of a cut by ‘360’. 360 is a type of big panga common with Merus. I don't know why they called it 360 yet it's not anywhere close to a circle- si hii ni ujinga wetu?

Anyway, that was a by the way. Pipiiiiiiii………………….Pipiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. That noise really irritates. Who has been to Meru City? You have seen the brand new cars flying the Makutano route? I have been to over 7 countries in Africa and to all towns in Kenya. Meru City is the only town I have seen new brand cars being used as boda boda for short distances. With as little as 30 Kenyan shillings, you can drive in a new BMW taxi…..isn’t that really a town of honey and milk? Driving in a new Toyota Mark X for only 30 Kenyan shillings!

My concern is not whether the cars are new or they are the Bring More Women (BMW) model or the Virgins for Men (VW) model. My concern is the noise from the hooting. I had to walk with my ears closed because my ears could not bear the noise anymore. I wonder if the NEMA offices exists in Meru City! The noise is made worse by the chewing of Miraa in the City. If you have listened carefully, you must have heard the noise from the men chewing curd…from morning to evening. Chewing curd has made men to fail to perform in bed…..hahahahaha….and I suspect that the men stripping women naked are of Meru origin and probably that’s why we Meru men are termed as the most unromantic men in the country. Please don’t crucify me for this, am just joking.

Tafadhali naomba hii serikali ya Munya iingilie hii kelele. What is Munya doing in the county? Opening a TV station that is only running outdated jokes? We need some change for people to continue saying that Meru is a land of honey and milk. Else, the people will revert to, “Meru is a land of Mugacha and Miraa”.

There is another side of the Meru City coin. Despite the noise, it’s also a show that there is a high flow of cash in the Meru City. Where in Kenya will people afford buying a car worth a million shillings to run business errands for distances of 20 Kenyan shillings? At least not in Luo land. The city of honey and milk boasts of the best schools; at least I can mention Nkubu High School, a school that taught me these stupid manners of scribbling down nonsense on paper. Despite the noisy traits, the Meru City boasts of the most senior people in top most positions in the Kenya; The government, the military, the non-governmental organizations, politics etc. 

I think our noise is being productive. Meru City people, lets continue making the noise as it has proven a source of income for our county. 

Nimesema na msinisumbue!!